


The Wisdom Teeth

by JameWii



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: And Red and Green being idiots, M/M, literally just fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25801741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JameWii/pseuds/JameWii
Summary: If there's one thing Red can always rely on, it's that something, anything, ALWAYS happens on Christmas when it comes to the Tajiri household. This year, when he and Green both need their wisdom teeth removed, some secrets spill while they're high on their medication. Lucky for them, they don't remember anything once they're sober. Unlucky for them, Delia's dashcam recorded all of it.
Relationships: Ookido Green | Blue Oak/Red
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	The Wisdom Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's too early for Christmas, but I want the Tajiri and Oak families to be together for this because it's just so cozy and nice and I couldn't think of anything other than Christmas. Lol
> 
> Disclaimer: This is based on an episode of The Middle (season 7, episode 17). I didn't copy the entire episode, but part of the dialogue between Red and Green in the car is taken 1:1 from the show, just like the idea with the fork. And, well, the whole premise. Hope you still enjoy :D
> 
> Warning: some swearing and crude language

When Red heard the word "Christmas", he didn't think about pine trees and chocolate, a man with a red coat and white beard, or presents and carols. If he was to be brutally honest, the word activated his fight or flight instincts. Which was unfortunate because he had to admit, his mother Delia had tried hard. She'd went around the house decorating every last corner with red ribbons and candy canes and golden paper stars. Every room had smelled of heaters and cinnamon and conifer.  
It would have been nice, really, if she hadn't insisted on going to church with him, where he had to sit, jammed between a bunch of strangers, some of whom cooed and grinned at him and pinched his cheeks.  
The torture didn't end when they went back home, because that's when his aunt, uncle and cousins would visit, and the cooing and cheek-pinching continued.

Later, when Red was six, their family moved away and visiting each other became tedious. Christmas could have been nice, with just him and his mom, but then, in May, she met Dave. First he was just a friend, then suddenly he spent every day at their home, then Delia suddenly stopped calling him her "friend" and instead introduced him as her boyfriend, and then he stayed at their place on Christmas. He was a cop, and with that he was automatically the coolest person ever in Red's eyes. So spending Christmas with him would have been nice too, if Delia didn't have a thing for unconventional, slightly chaotic men. In this case, a man who accidentally almost burned the house down because he insisted on using real candles on their tree, and he insisted he knew how to pin them so nothing could happen. Amazingly, Delia still told that story to relatives and friends with a smile, and amazingly, it always elicited shocked laughter. She had broken up with Dave in the following January. Not because of the fire, but because he let her child handle a loaded gun to scare a stray Growlithe away, which still haunted him to this day.

After that, it was just him and his mom again. Until the neighbours died in a car crash and their two children were left in the care of their grandfather, famous Professor Samuel Oak, who didn't really care for Christmas enough to celebrate it.  
Delia, the warm hearted person that she was, didn't hesitate to invite the bunch over. They knew the family; after all, Red was friends with one of the kids, if you could call it a friendship at that age, and they'd went to the same kindergarten for three years.  
His name was Green, and he was the same age as Red was. Literally.

Red was only a minute younger than Green. He remembered their mothers being very happy over this coincidence when they found out.

Green looked kinda funny with his strawberry blonde hair and his freckles, and he always wore a necklace that he never took off. His mom had given it to him, and he always had his little hands clutched around it.

He had a sister called Daisy. She had the same necklace, but she didn't wear it as often. She was ten years older than him, and even when he was still a kid, Red thought she looked way too old, way too tired for her age, which had something to do with her eyes, though he couldn't quite point his finger at what exactly it was.

Spending Christmas together became a tradition, and it didn't ease the Chaos Christmas Curse. Quite the opposite. Green was a rascal, as their kindergarten teacher often said, sometimes with a fond, sometimes with an annoyed expression.

On their second Christmas together, he smuggled a wild Meowth into their home.

"He's alone and hungry! He needs help!", Green had insisted when he showed it to Red. The latter didn't question it. On the contrary, he thought Green had just had the coolest idea ever. They'd raise that Meowth, feed it until it got big and strong.  
They didn't realize how flawed the plan was. It would have failed even if Meowth hadn't escaped their room, torn down the tree and eaten all their cookies that night that Daisy and Red had baked together.

And on the next Christmas, Red and Green decided to surprise their family by decorating the house by themselves and cooking Christmas dinner. Delia had almost gotten a heart attack when she saw the mess in the kitchen and all the groceries she'd bought burned to a crisp.

Green had lots of these types of ideas, and Red was more than willing to help him with them, so it was no surprise that Christmas was always...interesting. But the older they got, the less the adults in their lives cooed at how cute their friendship was and how adorable they were and so on and so on and so on. Rather they started to compare the two, and Green first started to work harder and harder to finally hear someone say "Wow, Green, good work, truly the best out of all!", but Red still kept outshining him, and then Green started to distance himself from him. Chaotic became awkward, giggles and secret plans became nasty looks and apathic shrugs, at school they didn't sit next to each other anymore, and Red overheard Green, who had quite the status in school these days, laugh with his friends about all the "stupid ridiculous weird" things Red did when they spent Christmas together, like not being able to talk when he was nervous, and how he _"so_ doesn't want to go there anymore anymore, it's fucking lame."

Then they were sixteen and their families signed their permission letters for setting out on their Pokémon journeys, and Red won every single fight against Green, and Green became more and more eager, borderline insane, until Red finally beat him in one last battle on the Champion's field in the League. Red had achieved his biggest dream imaginable, and then he....left. Just up and went to MT. Silver, one of the two most dangerous locations in Kanto, without telling anyone, until Green found him one year later and had the nerve to yell at him for making everyone worry. Red had wanted to be bitter, had wanted to hate him for how he treated him, until he remembered that the cause of all of this was him stealing not only attention from Green since the day they knew each other, but also his family and, the cherry on top, his dream. That didn't excuse the way Green had treated him, he thought, because he never asked for any of this, but he could tell that his friend had grown too and that he was sorry, and he told him as much.

They had talked about the whole thing so much until their fight felt ridiculous, and Green's visits to MT. Silver became more and more frequent, sometimes bringing him clothes from Delia, sometimes bringing him a basket full of meals, all home cooked, and he insisted that only half of them were Delia's. He didn't need to do much to convince Red of that because half of the meals tasted amazing, and the other half tasted...not bad, but amateurish. Red said they all tasted great all the same. They watched the sunset together like they had done when they were kids, which was quite something on the snowy mountain, and learned sign language for the moments when Red wasn't able to articulate himself properly. He didn't have verbal blackouts as frequently as he used to anymore, but he still struggled sometimes, so he really appreciated this.

They were both twenty now, though of course Green was one minute more twenty than Red, something he _always_ boasted about on their shared birthday since they were ten. Last time Professor Oak jokingly said "How paradox that at the same time, Red's still ten years more twenty than you."

This Christmas would be the first Christmas home since the MT. Silver incident, as his mom called it. But considering all his past memories of Christmas, three of which included a void of haze and snow and freezing nights, it was no surprise that he wasn't too keen on celebrating it. So when he suddenly started having tooth pain and headaches and couldn't eat properly anymore, he was almost relieved that maybe, just maybe, he could lie in bed and do nothing this year.

What a ridiculous thought, because as soon as he told Delia about his plan, she grabbed him by the ear, pulled him down to her, and hissed at him: "Listen to me and listen to me good, young man. After three years of spending Christmas without you, you WILL be here with your family and friends this year. Even if you _die_ I will make your corpse wear a fancy suit, park it on the couch and force it to eat the dinner I prepared, and after everyone is gone, you _might_ be allowed to rest, but not one minute before that! Got it, mister?"

And Red, an almost 2 meter tall man, eagerly nodded because he absolutely knew this 1,50 meter woman wasn't kidding.

She smiled, let go of his ear, and patted him on the cheek. "Great! You should call your dentist. He did tell you that you need to get your wisdom teeth removed because your tooth brush doesn't reach them. I bet they're the problem. Probably caries or something."

Professor Oak, who had been watching Daisy prepare cookie dough to learn how it worked, looked up. "Funny!", he said. "Green's having the exact same problem. He's getting his wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. What a coincidence!" 

"Uh huh," Delia just said and politely smiled at Professor Oak's euphoria. In reality, these sorts of "coincidences" weren't funny to anyone anymore and were simply accepted as some sort of act of nature.

Beyond the fact that they were born almost at the same time, Green had taken his first step when he was fourteen months old, Red had taken his first two steps one day later. Green had said his first two word sentence when he was 25 months old, Red had said his first almost complete sentence just an hour after that.

It was an ongoing concept for all their lives. Green did it first, and Red did it better. He wouldn't be surprised if in this case, he even had more wisdom teeth to remove than him.

"When does Green have his appointment?", Delia asked now.

"At ten AM," Professor Oak said, trying not to sound offended at the fact that no one had reacted to his previous statement. 

"Which dentist is he going to? Still Dr. Goodwin?"

"The one and only."

"Perfect! He still owes me a favor. Actually, he owes me a lot of favors considering how often I've helped him out at his clinic already. Let me give him a call, I'll squeeze you in tomorrow. Then I can drive both you boys and you'll be as good as new before Christmas."

Before Red could protest, she was already looking for her phone. Daisy glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled her fond "What can you do" smile.

"That woman," Professor Oak said while concentrating on the dough again. "I feel like all of Pallet and Viridian combined owe her a favor."

"That's the only reason she does literally anything for anyone," Red deadpanned.

Daisy, still smiling and stirring the dough, turned to look at him again and said: "Hey, Red? Don't tell Green I told you this, but I think he'll be happy that you guys are doing this together. He's trying not to show it, but he's a bit scared."

"Who's scared?" Green had chosen to enter the room right at this moment. He had changed a lot since they were kids and teenagers, but still remained his youthful looks. Whenever Red saw him, he couldn't help but admire his appearance; his smooth skin, his spiky reddish hair, the freckles that he subconsciously always tried to count, and that wonderful fresh, but masculine smell of his deodorant. He had come to terms with the fact that he had a thing for his best friend long ago. He didn't know why and when it happened- maybe when Green fell asleep on his shoulder on MT. Silver while they were sitting at the fire? Maybe when the setting sun intensified the color of his hair and eyes and Red felt his breath taken away when he looked at him? Maybe just when Green was being so very annoyingly Green that his chest hurt with affection?

Of course he knew it was pointless and dangerous to nurture such thoughts. They were friends, and a relationship, though Red knew that Green was bisexual, was absolutely off limits. He didn't know if he could bear losing Green as a parrner _and_ a friend in case they broke up. 

That was why he still chose to smirk at him evilly instead of doing the gentlemanly thing.

"You, apparently!"

 _"Daisy!",_ Green cried at the same time as Daisy hissed _"Red!"_

"I could hold your hand," Red suggested, earning a glower from Green that looked hilarious coming from such a small guy. Red had been very happy about his growthspurt because finally, _finally,_ he could take revenge for their teenage years, where Green had been such a jerk. The only thing he didn't like was how gawky Green had become, how he didn't even try hard to give much rebuttal anymore because he knew that he'd neither win a physical nor a verbal fight or Arceus forbid a Pokémon battle. Red tried to hold back for this reason; he didn't want his friend to feel cautious around him, especially after their friendship had been so fragile for quite some time, and he especially didn't want him to feel insecure. He felt guilty sometimes, when he thought of the confident, bratty rich kid Green used to be. Then again, he was still snobby, and definitely still bratty. He just gave up quicker now. Red wondered in those times if Green had truly become less confident, or if he had just become more mature. Too mature to engage with this childish banter anymore. How very un-Green. How very boring; Green was such a splendid personality, after all.

Red on the other hand had grown into the absolutely different direction. It had taken him long to not take offense at Green's little quips anymore, but to retaliate instead. While they kept going back and forth about calling each other the absolute worst names that would have destroyed any other friendship, it had only made theirs' deeper, because there was no one in this world Red would talk to like that, and no one in this world he would let talk to him like that, especially not in such an amusing manner.

He also enjoyed the way Green sometimes paled in anger when their insulting banter got a little too intense, making his freckles darker and more noticeable, and how his honey brown eyes widened and gleamed.

"What have you become?"

"Awesome."

"Dream on, idiot. _I_ was number four on the list of best Gym Leaders world wide, and you have been on how many lists of best Champions? Exactly. I win."

"You sure? At least I _am_ a Champion," Red teased, and Daisy pushed Green back by his chest before he could jump at Red for the audacity to dare mention this. Red wanted to apologize, because their banter shouldn't ever cross a line, at least not intentionally, and the League was still sort of a sensitive issue for Green, but at that moment, Delia came back into the room, smiling gleefully with the phone in her hand.

"Dr. Goodwin has an appointment free for you at 10 AM tomorrow."

Red sighed. He had expected this to get him out of Christmas, not to get him into a doctor's appointment the very next day.

"Why do _you_ need to see Dr. Goodwin?", Green asked, tilting his head to the right ever so slightly, like the old Houndour of his aunt and uncle when he tried to hear better.

"Wisdom teeth," he explained and pointed at his mouth like Green didn't know where they were located.

"Me too." Green straightened up and looked at him appraisingly. "I need to get two removed."

Red smirked and pointed at himself. "All four."

"Fuck you, Red."

"I don't understand this relationship," Daisy wispered to Delia. The older woman shook her head and sighed.

"No one does, sweetheart."

* * *

"You okay, bud?", Red asked with a sideway glance at Green, who lay on the doctor's cot next to his, and seemed to be concentrating hard on his breathing.

"Uh, yeah? Why?"

"Because you're hoarding oxygen like it's toilet paper. Relax, you won't feel anything."

"Sounds like something you'd say right before sex."

Red rolled his eyes. "Just wanted to help, but fine, be like that."

"First of all, I did not need to hear that,," Delia, who was standing next to Red's cot, said, "And secondly, when I was pregnant and announced I was having a boy, everyone told me I should be happy because teenage girls can be overdramatic, bitchy drama queens. Now right in front of me there's two adult young men who are so much worse than that."

"Mom," Red moaned, "Why don't you wait outside?"

"No way," Delia just said. "For the first time ever since you became a gross teenager and then a gross man I finally get the chance to mother you again without you being able to do anything about it. I'm not going to miss that opportunity."

"Well, you're doing a great job so far."

"Thanks, hun." Her teasingly loving grin turned into a worried frown when she looked over at Green. "Hey, Green? You're not gonna say anything about that? No mean remark or anything? Are you sure you're okay, sweetie? You look quite pale."

"'M fine. _Jeeze_ , where is the nurse with the anasthesia?"

"Right here!" The glass door swung open and a woman in blue scrubs came in. She was slightly overweight, tanned, and had long, smooth, dark hair. Half her face was hidden by a mask. "Don't worry, it'll be over so fast, you could miss it if you blink!"

Green raised his eyebrows and got the gall to smirk at Red despite the fact that he looked like he was about to have a panic attack. In sign language, he said: _So many quotes straight out of your bedroom today._

Red rolled his eyes again and signed back: _You seem to be awfully interested in my sex life._

That finally did the job of shutting Green up. He gave Red another nasty look, before leaning back in his chair and focusing on the situation.

Red let his hand brush the cot he was lying on three times. Green looked back up at him and Red let his hands speak again: _Seriously, you'll be fine, buddy._

Green's mouth corners twitched, but of course the bastard was too proud to smile. _I know._

The nurse noticed how nervous he was, so he got the anasthesia first. Red watched as his body slowly went limp, his fists unclenching, his shoulders falling and his legs sinking down a little. It should have looked peaceful, and it really was just the tiniest, safest kind of surgery anyone could wish for, but Red, as much as he liked to tease Green for being such a scaredy cat, felt a little pang at seeing someone who had been so adamantly protesting this whole thing being forcefully put to sleep like this.

He was next. As his vision got blurry and his mind got lighter, he didn't really know if he had said "Be careful with Green" out loud or if it had just been a thought.

* * *

Later Delia got her hands full with trying to get the two young men back to the car. Red, who was much, much taller than her now, was heavily leaning on her, and Green kept trying to wander off.

But she smiled because the last time she had spent time with the two of them like this was when they were seven. When they reached the car, she helped them both into the back seats and gave them a kiss and a pinch on their swollen cheeks before she got behind the steering wheel.

They slowly started to regain more and more consciousness as the drive went on, and to be honest, it was quite hilarious.

Green leaned forward between the two front seats and looked out on the street for a while, before he said: "Isch that...isch that a, like a, uhh...recording, thing?"

He pointed to her dashboard.

"It's a dashcam, sweetie," Delia said, an amused smile on her lips. "Sometimes I feel safer with it, in case someone tries to steal anything."

"That'sch _schtupid,"_ Red spoke up from the backseat. He had said the same thing when he was sober too. "Who...who would try to schteal anything out of thisch car and what'sch a dasch cam gonna do about it?"

"Red, be nice. I know what I'm doing."

"Okay." Then: "Love you, mommy."

She grinned because when had he told her that the last time? "I love you too, Red!"

"Love you, Delia!", Green said, and this time, she laughed: "Love you too, Green!"

"Thatsch _my_ mom, get your own!", Red complained.

Yikes. Thankfully, Green was too out of his mind to actually be hurt by that. "But...where doesch one get a mom?"

"The mom schtore."

Both of them looked at each other for a moment before breaking into laughter. She shook her head, fondly amused, and she thought her chest would burst with the affection she felt for them at that moment. Maybe she should drug the two of them more often.

A sign told them that a gas station was coming up. She cursed when she rememembered that she was supposed to get gas yesterday already. She was already low on it, and it was either now or never. But she had no idea if she could leave these two goofballs alone in the car. On the other hand...it would be done in five minutes, and during three of those five minutes, she would be standing right next to the car. So it wasn't a big deal, right? Also, she had her dashcam. In case either of them decided to leave the car and wander off while she was gone- and she was one hundred percent sure if that was the case, the culprit would be Green-, she would know exactly where they went. They'd be fine, and she'd be quick.

Mind made up, she followed the sign and when she arrived at the gas station, she reached over to turn on her dash cam.

"Hey you two, I'm gonna refuel for a moment, okay? Do not leave this car, understand?"

Red had a bit of criticism on that statement. "But...but what if a...what if a Mew comesch by and aschksch me if I want to catch it?"

"Sweetie, if a Mew talks to you, you should be concerned. You're high as a kite. It's not real."

"Are you real?"

"Yes, I am real. And you need to listen to me. So again, do NOT leave this car, even if ten Mews come up to you. Got it, mister? And you too?" She warningly looked at Green. The two young men nodded obediently, and she smiled.

Oh, if only parenting had always been this easy.

* * *

The car door slammed shut, and Red and Green were alone. Red looked at Delia for a moment as she refueled the car, then, with a sweeping movement, he looked over at Green.

"What is sche doing?"

"I think sche's...refueling...or something," Green slurred back.

Red wordlessly looked at Green for a few more moments, before he, out of the blue, said: "You're nische."

Green somehow managed to frown, even with all the gauze in his mouth. "I am?"

"Yeah. You usched to be mean, but now you're nische. You do thingsch for people. You descherve the schpot asch bescht Gym Leader."

"Yeah," Green chuckled. "Causche I'm aweschome."

"And schometimes", Red continued like Green hadn't said anything at all, "when we're eating, I need a fork, and you get it for me? You're scho attentive. When you need schomething. I juscht tell you to get up and get it yourschelf. Like, who doesch that? I'm scho mean to you schometimesch!"

"Noooo, noooo-" "Yeeeesch, I'm-" "-come on, you're the nischescht perschon I know-" -"so mean and alwaysch tell you thesche horrible thingsch-" "-and you alwaysch let me borrow thingsch when I need them-" -"but I don't mean them, I'm juscht fooling around, I don't want you to think I want to hurt you-" "-scho now I'm gonna give you thisch!"

Green clumsily tried to take off his necklace, still the same one his mother had once given him, but he couldn't open the fastener, nor did it fit over his head, so with a strong yank, he simply pulled it off and held it out to Red.

Red looked at it, amazed, before he said: "Noooo, I can't take thisch, thisch isch, like, your necklasche."

"Taaake it, take it!", Green insisted while Red kept pushing his hand away and repeated "Nooo, nooo!", until Green simply reached for his friend's pocket, opened it with his thumb and pointer, and put the necklace in with the words "I want you to have it!"

Red didn't protest anymore. He looked Green deeply in those honey eyes and said: "Schee, that'sch what I meant. You're schooooooo nice! You descherve a partner who will give you a fork when you need it. And you know what elsche, I think I love you."

Green was quiet for a moment, looking at Red with an expression full of childlike wonder and amazement, before he suddenly started laughing again. "You look weird!"

Red joined in, pointed at Green and said: "You _too!"_

The car door opened and Delia came back in, raising an eye brow at the two giggling young men. "Well, aren't you two happy! What did I miss?"

"Green looksch weird!" Red barely got it out because he was laughing so hard.

Green added: "We both do!", but he was wheezing so much that Delia barely understood it.

She giggled, suddenly overcome with so much affection that she felt the urge to give them both a big tight hug, but she settled with a fond shake of her head and got in the front seat.

"I guess not that much."


End file.
